06 August 2008

Time Less than Well Spent

My whole life I have always tried to spend my time doing something productive. Sometimes I settle for things that are just vaguely amusing but I try to avoid feeling as if I have squandered valuable moments of my life. Most of the time it works. I have relatively few regrets about the last 21 years.

Sadly, I realize that as I lay on my deathbed I will look back and remember certain moments as having been complete and utter wastes. I will wish I had that time back, to spend it differently. Yesterday morning was one of those times.

I've recently started school for my license in Massage Therapy. Massage has always been quite interesting to me from the time I was a child. I don't quite know why I chose massage. I probably made the choice for a combination of reasons including an interest in the human body in general, being a "touchy" kinda guy (not to be confused with touchy-feely), oh, and did I mention I'll probably be starting out for about 4x what I could make currently. Anyway, I'm getting off point here. Sorry for rambling, dear reader. In Massage School and associated subcultures you tend to run into "flakes, fruit loops and honest to god WHACKO'S". Most of these "alternative" types are well meaning folks who are just, well, "out there". And I manage, I think, to put up with it all with a certain....erm....patience?....restraint?.....soul crushing discipline?..... Nah, to be honest my greatest claim to fame is that I don't completely explode more than once a day and vomit caustic sarcasm all over the nearest flakazoid. Well, until yesterday that is. You see, yesterday, we were introduced to "The Secret"! <cue dramatic muzac>

Are you impressed yet? Not yet? What's wrong with you? All right, all right, kill the muzac. I see you are still possesed of a brain. For those of you who have yet to be introduced to "The bestest thing ever! Better than peanut butter, sliced bread, and red-heads bearing whisky in one hand and Guinness in the other!" "The Secret"! is a movie about the Law of Attraction. Great stuff really. According to this hour and a half (it may have been more, I walked out several times during the brain washing session) of drivel, YOU, the gentle reader control your own reality. Everything around you responds to the "vibes" that you put out. By concentrating on what you want and and thinking and wanting really, really, really hard you'll get it.....eventually.....if you want it enough. Now although they don't come out and say it in the movie the visual message is that you just concentrate on whatever your bright and shiny want is and you get it. It's all mental. Hard work and personal sacrifice, self evaluation and personal change have nothing to do with it. It's all about what you visualize in your head.

Pretty cool, huh? I mean, I could really digg this! Gone would be the sucky early mornings, the working to eat or pay bills, and the studying until late hours of the night! None of this would be necessary, I would simply roll out of bed (never earlier than noon) look at my "goals board" (composed of magazine ads or pictures from wherever seems appropriate and shiny) and visualize whatever my little heart desired. It's important to remember, however, that the Law of Attraction does have a little lag time on its delivery. You can't just instantly manifest whatever you want, which is kind of cool according to the little skit in the movie involving an elephant apparating in some poor schmucks living room.

Well, if someone ever figures out a way to make this for sure please lemme know. Seriously folks, I'm tired of working for my beer money.


Brigid said...

Oh that's going to work. Just sit around and "visualize" it. :-)

wait. . where's my Guinness!!

Aaron said...

I tried wishing for the above mentioned Red Head bearing Whisky and Guinness and it didn't work too well.

Then I got a little bit more realistic and just wished for a cute Brunette and a 6 pack of Killian's.

If I don't start seeing some results soon I'm going to start suspecting that this MAY be some sort of sham.

Killer_Kangaroo said...

I too have also tried willing my booze into exsistance.

sadly i've made no progress.

Aaron said...

Note: the above mentioned red head was not brigid specifically, I reread that post and realize that it could be construed as creepy. That was unintentional.